Greetings! If you are reading this, one of two things has happened. Either the Rapture did in fact happen and you were left behind, or the Rapture did not happen because your religion is nothing but silly lies. Either way, you are probably feeling pretty depressed right now. Understandably so. That is why I have provided this FAQ to help you through the questions that are most likely running through your head right now. Ain't I a swell guy.
What?! I've been left behind?
Yep.
But why?
Well, there are a couple different options here. Maybe God changed his mind. Maybe it was all just a test. Maybe you were swindled by con men who raked in millions of dollars in donations promoting this "end time." Maybe it didn't happen because God doesn't exist. I guess just choose whichever option makes you cry yourself to sleep the least.
But I was really looking forward to being with my Savior.
Listen, I was really looking forward to reading in my hammock, but the rain put a kibosh on that. We don't always get what we want, pal.
What do I have to look forward to now?
Did you give away all your money and possessions in preparation for the Rapture?
Yes.
Poverty!
I was thinking more along the lines of my shattered belief.
Oh, right. Well, the good news is that we as a society are pretty gullible. We've believed in magic men in the sky for about as long as we've been around, and even with scientific progress rendering those explanations obsolete the majority of people still cling to those old fashioned notions, so I'm sure you'll find some other unprovable claim to believe in.
That sounds really depressing when you put it like that.
Right?! I don't even know how I get out of bed in the morning some days!
So should I just give up on my faith?
I mean, that's up to you. It is worth pointing out that the vast majority of Christians thought this rapture thing was silly, so if you don't want give up your faith completely, I suppose you could settle for being really stupid.
But... I don't want to be stupid.
No one does. Which is probably why people stubbornly cling to discredited beliefs like "the world is only 6,000 years old" and "the Black Eyed Peas are talented" for so long.
I guess. But what's the next step?
Well, step one would probably be getting your job back. And start rebuilding your kids college savings so they don't resent you anymore than they already do.
How do I face my family and friends who told me not to waste my time?
Don't! Go off the grid. Then you never have to face them, and maybe they'll think you were right and got Raptured after all. Win-win.
Any other advice?
Next time and 89 year old man tells you the world is going to end, it's just because he's old.
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