Really?: Newt Gingrich is Afraid of Athiest Muslims Somehow

Sometimes you see or read something that makes you stop in your tracks and ask "Really?", while tilting your head slightly and raising the pitch of your voice just a bit.

Ahhh, Newt Gingrich. No presidential election cycle would be complete without him pretending he's going to run for the office. I will admit, though, he is unusually committed to the prospect this go-round, which either is a saving grace for the country or makes you violently ill, depending on how much you hate yourself. And as part of that commitment, he recently gave a speech at the Cornerstone Church, the megachurch to end all megachurches led by Rev. John Hagee. You know, the guy who's endorsement John McCain dropped because he said Hitler was just acting out God's prophecy by killing the Jews? That guy's church.

Anyway, Gingrich gave a typical "I fear for the future of this country" address that has become a mainstay of conservative talking points. Within that address however, was the following:

I have two grandchildren: Maggie is 11; Robert is 9. I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American.

Ok. So. Newt here thinks that America will be overrun by atheists. But not just any atheists. Atheists who believe in Islam. Somehow this is a thing now.

Newt, you do know that atheists and Islamists are two very different, mutually exclusive things, don't you? Atheists don't believe in any kind of god, Islam believes in Allah, who is a god. By the very definition of the words we use to describe those groups, it is not possible for both traits to exist within the same body. You might as well say America will be overrun by violent pacifists, or funny Jeff Dunhams.

This ridiculous and, frankly, comical way of thinking is a problem for one of two reasons. Either 1) Newt really has no idea what he's talking about, or 2) He is merely using buzzwords to rally the conservative base. The first is a problem because, well, I don't really think we want someone who clearly has no understanding of what words mean in charge of everything. I mean, we tried that in 2000 and 2004, and you see how that turned out. (ZING!)

The second is the more troubling scenario, because it implies that a fairly sizable segment of our population does not understand that people who subscribe to a religious belief, specifically a belief involving a deity, cannot also be atheists. It implies that a sizable segment of our population is so easily swayed by the simple minded fear of something different than them. It's all buzzwords, and this bit of confusing logic seems to indicate that it doesn't even matter what those buzzwords are.

And we wonder why we're in the state we're in.

Easy Target

Once upon a time there was a thirteen year old girl's parents, like all doting parents, thought their little princess was the brightest star in the sky. She was the most beautiful, most talented child in the world. And, in wanting to give their child every opportunity possible, ponied up a couple thousand dollars to make their daughters dream of being a pop star a reality, at least for a little bit. They paid for a company to record a "hit" single for her and produce a music video to be put on Youtube. It's a tween's dream come true.

This is what happened to Rebecca Black, and as you are all most likely already aware, the end result was "Friday," one of the worst assaults on the ears courtesy of pop music to ever vibrate one's eardrums. But while the song has been justly derided as not good, most of the energy has been aimed at thirteen year old Black. I will repeat that she is THIRTEEN FREAKING YEARS OLD.

Does the song suck? Yes. But let's keep in mind, Black didn't write the song. Honestly, it would be more understanding if she did. No one expects a thirteen year old to write freaking "Stairway to Heaven." It's the fact that the song was written by someone much older that makes this song such a failure. Let's make fun of him instead. I mean, come on, I like making fun of people as much as the next guy, but a thirteen year old girl is just too easy.

In fact, why aren't we doing that? Why aren't we attacking the people truly responsible for this garbage? You know, the guys working exclusively with impressionable 13-17 year olds and their easily duped parents. The ones actually writing this shitty music in the first place. Because making fun of a thirteen year old wears thin very quickly, because in the end, they really don't know any better. But the assholes at Ark Music Factory making pedophile-friendly music videos? They know full well what they're doing.

You know who else should know better? The hipster douchebags who thought it would be so hilarious to buy the song on itunes, because it's just so "ironic" to own such a crappy song. Here's the problem, you can't "ironically" own something. You either own it or you don't. Intent means nothing, you still shelled out the $1.29 to buy the song, $1.29 that went to the people who made, helping to ensure and support that they make more. If you want the song on your ipod to laugh at, fine, but then you lose the ability to complain about the state of music and how there's no substance to it, because by buying this song you are essentially saying "I will pay for this, please keep making more."

In fact, while we've all been laughing at Black, she could be racking up a million bucks off of this terrible song, much of which will undoubtedly be due to "ironic" purchases.

So yeah, that thirteen year old girl sure does suck. More importantly, she is completely deserving of all this attention, because the crises in Libya and Japan are just trivial by comparison right? And come one, it's not like you just not listen to the song if you hate it that much. Make a big fuss about it. Because there's no better way to put a thirteen year old girl in her place than to act like a thirteen year old.